Trigger Warning sa Dalawang Nakaitim

Katawan ang ating babasahin. Sapat na sana ang babala. Huwag nang magpatuloy, please, kung hindi kayang sikmurain kung bakit may maaalwan na buhay. Halimbawa, mababanggit ang pagpapatiwakal hindi dahil uminom ng muriatic si Liliosa Hilao sa palikuran ng mga lalaki, kundi dahil ito ang iprinisintang dahilan ng militar, sang-ayon sa kuwentong nalulong siya sa droga, kalakip ng kanyang katawang ibinalik sa pamilya, Abril 1973. Disyembre 2016, pneumonia naman daw ang ikinamatay ng siyam na anyos na si Lenin Baylon.

Babala rin sa aking sarili, na nagpapatumpik-tumpik pa bago magpatuloy. Paanong kasaysayan ang nag-uulit sa kanyang sarili samantalang ako itong nauutal? Pinainom ng truth serum si Liliosa Hilao. Ayon sa awtopsiya, makailang ulit siyang tinortyur at ginahasa. Ayon sa awtopsiya, tinamaan ng bala si Lenin Baylon. Katulad niya ang ilan pang may bala sa katawan pero pneumonia o sepsis ang ikinamatay.

Dalawang linggo bago sana grumadweyt ng cum laude, kursong Communication Arts sa Pamantasan ng Lungsod ng Maynila, Abril 1973. Disyembre 2016, tatlong araw bago sana ipagdiwang ang ikasampung kaarawan.

Sa tambalan at tunggaliang Marcos-Duterte, binabanggit ang posibleng kamatayan ng Pilipinas. Maaari raw siyang ipapatay, ayon kay Duterte. Matatamaan daw ang mga Marcos, kung sakali. Handa nang mamatay sa bilangguan si Duterte. Sa sinag ng kamera, nakasuot ng itim ang mga katawan nina Marcos at Duterte, buong-buo, may isang 46 anyos at may isang 69 anyos, humihinga, at hihinga pa rin bukas.


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Javar, R. C., Asuncion, R. J. A., Tugano, A. C. J., & Santos, M. J. P. (2022). Liliosa Hilao. In 50-50: Talambuhay ng mga Pangunahing Personalidad ng Batas Militar (pp. 139–143). essay, Limbagang Pangkasaysayan.

Lopez, E., Lema, K., & Baldwin, C. (2022, June 2). A pathologist, a priest and a hunt for justice in the Philippines. Reuters Investigates. https://www.reuters.com/investigates/special-report/philippines-duterte-death-certificates/

Tenth Birthdays

An innocent is not innocent but a drug runner. A chase is not a chase but a clash. A gunning down not a gunning down but a gunfight. A boy played too close to one such gunfight, so close he caught pneumonia and died.

Unable to cough up sixteen thousand pesos, his parents couldn’t buy him a death other than the prescribed bronchopneumonia. (For a lesser fee, maybe something like sepsis?) The boy would have celebrated his birthday in three days, the birthday money now going to his funeral.

With the help of new and well-meaning friends, a wound began to form, to sink into the boy, but it was a slow, painstaking process, a few millimeters a month of sinking to a puncture. After almost ten years of constant friendship and well-meaning, a fully fatal gunshot wound emerged.

At long last, a celebration is not a celebration but a death.
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SIPI: Sumilip si Damian habang nirerebisa ang draft na ito. Medyo iniiwas ko sana dahil nagkataong ginagamot din namin ang kanyang pneumonia (at nagkataong 9 years old din siya). Kaso mabilis siyang magbasa.

“Daddy.”
“O.”
“Bakit ang lungkot ng stories ninyo?”
“Kasi totoo.”

Pinakita ko sa kanya ang reference ko rito. (Naipakilala na rin si Macli-ing Dulag dahil nasipat din niya ang isa pang burador. Saka na ito ibabahagi ha? Baka sa 24th.)
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1. Daily Guardian: The death certificate of nine-year-old Lenin Baylon... 
2. Reuters: Philippine family allowed to correct death certificate of son killed in drugs war 
3. Reuters: A pathologist, a priest and a hunt for justice in the Philippines 

“Oo” | Emmanuel Lopez

“Bakla ka ba? In one of our computer science classes, we learned about disassembling and assembling PCs and troubleshooting whenever there is an error in the system. The first thing you need to do is make sure that the power cord is detached. Then you can start disassembling the unit in hopes of finding what is wrong. Getting asked whether I am gay or not has always been my power cord. Almost immediately, I would shut down because back then, I never really had an answer despite getting asked the same question over and over again. I tried to cover myself up with armor, but reality would almost always seep through the cracks, and people would know where to attack. Like the broken CPUs in our computer laboratory, I tried to disassemble myself, looking for something wrong within because people told me so. I took apart fragments of my being only to lose pieces of identity in the process, even when I wasn’t even broken in the first place.”

Maaaring ituloy ang “Oo” sa PDI Youngblood.

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Kaka-gradweyt lang ni Emman mula sa programang BA Communication Arts degree ng Unibersidad ng Pilipinas Los Baños.