Lev Nik went to see his idol today, despite the weather. I realise today that although his last diaries are very interesting, they have all been composed for Chertkov and those for whom it pleases Mr. Chertkov to show them! And now Lev Nikol. never dares to write a word of love for me in them, for they all go straight to Chertkov and he would not like this.
July 7, 1910
Weary, and I hate that when I say that it sounds fashionable. I'm just tired. It's a weekend so "tired" ought be allowed. But I need to pull my act together before the days overtake me.
Here's to solipsism!