Peb 27, 2015

Home with a list of names

Hindi ko alam kung kaya kong magklase mamaya. Miss ko na yun, kahit pa large class. Marami namang bibo kaya nakakagana talagang pumasok. Sama lang ng pakiramdam ko, boses, ulo, ganyan. Kinailangan ko pang magkansela ng isang mahalaga sanang (muling) pakikipagkita makatiyak lamang na may sapat pang lakas sa pagpasok. Saya naman kasi. Kagahapon, sa HUM 160, adrenaline na lang yata ang nagpatakbo sa akin. Naubusan na kasi ng luya sa bahay. Ewan ko rin kung bakit ako na-excite samantalang exam lang naman kami (hindi rin naman ako excited magtsek ng papel... ito yung tipo ng bagay na bihira kong hinahanap-hanap gawin pero pag nandun ka na—may oras at kape, at espasyo para sa mga papel—masaya na, tuloy-tuloy na, para kang may binubuong klase sa utak mo). Bitin yung usapan, lalo dun sa ikalawang seksyon. Sa una, sakto lang, pero bitin din. Ewan, adik. Hindi ko na muna tinanggap yung mga journal nila kasi hindi rin naman kakayaning tsekan. Dagdagan na muna nila ng laman, at sana sana sana naman ay kayanin ko na yun sa susunod na linggo. Masarap magpaawa sa blog, gawain ng hindi iisa sa aking mga kakilala. Kasalukuyan kong iniisip ang mga kaibigang hindi na kaibigan. Kasalanan ito ng pagbisita ng isang kaibigang kasalukuyan pa ring kaibigan (at sana hanggang kamatayan na, kahit ako na ang mauna, sige, tutal nakatatanda naman ako). Hirap kayang makahanap ng tipong magtitiyaga sa akin... at saka yung masarap ding tiyagain. Mahirap makahanap lalo kung hindi palahanap. At kung katulad kong salat sa tiyaga at pasensya (bagay na hindi dapat ipagmalaki). Pinakilala sa akin ng isang dating kaibigan si Colvin. Gusto ko pa rin si Colvin, pero yung nagpakilala, hindi na. Ayaw na. Kadiri lang. May isang dating kaibigan na kasalukuyang tumutulong sa isang kasalukuyang kaibigan. Kung mangyayaring pareho pala silang hindi panghabang-buhay sa akin, oks lang. Yung isa ay kawalan pag nagkataon. Pero kaya yun, sana huwag lang yung nasa isang espasyo kami tas isnaban. Ay, anak kong nanaginip ng osong nagmamaneho ng crane (at nahulog ang oso at kanyang iniligtas)! Alam mong ayaw mo na talaga sa isang tao kapag malayo na nga sila e hindi pa rin sila napapakinang ng mga taba sa utak mo. Napakadaling ipangharang ang matatalinong estudyante sa taimtim na pagpapatunay ng isang kaibigan. Hindi ka nag-iisa. Hindi lamang ikaw ang ipinanganak na may kakayahang manlahat, umastang makatotohanan. Panghabang-buhay ka pa man din sana.

Peb 22, 2015

(Small Gallery)

and the defunct Museum of
lifes done as a student at the
materials and theories.
undertaken by eldest
struggle of reconciling Philippine
geometric variety—with the still
documents 16 volumes of
the first time.

Peb 21, 2015


At the convenience for a stop, about to wear the faces of their fathers to work. Also serving: hard-boiled dozen on a perforated tray for patrons of instant soup. Whatever they’re playing is smitten by you, will be, had been. The tempered glass quivers, but gaze we past the frequency (as the mops await, yon cute makeshift scythe of bamboo pole and nylon string, of kitty sticker and business end: the board-elected measure against the random fan falling, green on a leashed dog, a khaki jogger, smoking critic, him). Asking to take you, or it / all away. Pitch your handful of loam, “wait on the wind, catch a scent of salt, call it our life.” A solid reduction of hazard pay for any fighter tearing up over spent comrades with prime airings of grief. Hoodwinked by such expert use of the time difference. The law of returning diminishments. Speak your sleep—but how could you; live the dream and also dream it.

Peb 13, 2015


May bumisitang advisee, kani-kanina lang. Hindi ho ninyo kilala o makikilala pa. Ayun, nagkahuntahan. Nawala na yung pinagtatrabahuhan niya (nilamon ng kompetisyon) kung kaya'y naghahanap ng bago.

Pero Feb Fair ang sadya na rito, mga kasamahan niyang Kabitenyo. Hindi na yata ako dapat nag-aabiso sa kanya, pero ayun. Nakagawian na rin namin.

Sadyang hindi na ako karapat-dapat humingi ng payo. Pero heto.

Peb 8, 2015

Annotation 1: Acuña’s “Entry Taken From The Encyclopaedia of Biomechanical Convertebrates”

This decidedly baroque offering owes its flow and structure to the online encyclopedia, a scheme that only barely regulates a deployment of a prose that almost escapes the category of ‘story’. It is possibly more instructive to begin by calling this a fictional piece that deals with stories rather than the usual plot or character-driven story.

Doom Maggot is the entry in focus. Presented as an animal, the information regarding Doom Maggot is decked according to such sub-entries as Taxonomy, Evolution, and Parasite Redefinition. After a list of subcategories (like the left-hand side bar of a Wikipedia entry), the first expanded subcategories are Place of Origin and Etymology:
Place of Origin: The Cabuneians, Proserpines, Fifth World
Etymology: There has been a century-long debate about the origins of the name “Doom Maggot,” which is just like most century-long debates that were either left unconcluded or completely forgotten because of information overload and public disinterest...
The Cabuneians seem the most transparent, sounding as closely as it does to Kabunian, a god among our remembered and forgotten pantheons who was responsible for originating racial distinctions. This god not only shaped man out of clay but also baked him. It took him three tries to make it right, the first was overcooked (origin of the black-skinned peoples), the second under-cooked (white-skinned), and perfection was achieved come the third attempt (brown). He breathed life into all three, but had already entered race distinction into the workings of man’s world. [2]

Like The Cabuneians, Proserpines also taps into the mythic. This time the reference is Greco-Roman, a Western and globally canonized pantheon. Proserpina is the fertility goddess (based on Persephone) whose identity largely depends on having been raped and tricked into marriage by the god of the underworld [3].

The term Fifth World seems to add  under-layers of poverty to the global south, the underdeveloped countries that has been collectively termed the Third World during the Cold War. The politically correct term (or euphemism, depending on your political view) is “developing country”. But the Fifth World seems too far below for even that aspiration. And while it seems we’re now referring to a location, the term Fifth World brings us to the Hopi Indian’s idea of the after-world (in this scheme, this present world is the Fourth World) [4].

Aside from mythic identifications, the three “Places” also share a sense of transition and dislocation: upward development from one race to another, seasonal cycles from fecundity to death and back, and downward spiraling from the most economically stable countries to peoples with the least security and self-sufficiency. These are not permanent locations.

Both The Cabuneians and Proserpines have been rendered plural, perhaps a reference to the multiplicity or races and states. This step takes us closer to Proserpines = Philippines, especially if taken along with two other mentions, this: an area at the Southern Proserpines, somewhere between the biomechasphere and the thanasphere...
and this:
...the Yellow King—the reincarnating and recurring ruler of the Proserpines zinckepelago.
None of the three are definite places, certainly not as easy to locate as a municipality like Casiguran. Found in the province of Aurora, Quezon, Casiguran is the site of a tug-of-war of national importance: between the establishment of the government’s Aurora Pacific Economic Zone (APECO) and the preservation of the ancestral lands, dwelling places, and farms of the Dumagat [5]. So while locate-able, those who dwell in Casiguran can’t be said to have any sort of stability: the Dumagat (Doom Maggot), people of an even lesser world in a Third World country.

Traditionally, neither Proserpina nor Kabunian should have held sway over them: the goddess belongs to the literary canon embraced by the First World while the god belongs to the Ifugao, the Bontoc, and the Kankana-ey, to a legend that places the perfected brown skin over the imperfection of the blackened skin (and curly, “singed” hair), the same skin we see on the face and shoulders of the Dumagat.

“Entry Taken From The Encyclopaedia of Biomechanical Convertebrates” fortuitously began with the tandem of Place of Origin and Etymology. Representations of boundaries and beliefs are of primary importance here, especially as these inform the struggles between state and indigenous peoples—our shared identity, ethnic relations, and basic viability always at stake.

[1] Acuña, Arbeen R. “Entry Taken From The Encyclopaedia of Biomechanical Convertebrates.” In The Anthology of New Philippine Writing in English: Kritika Kultura Literary Supplement 1. 2011: 89-96. [download pdf]
[2] The Legend of the Three Races. Introduction to Philippine Folklore. Philsites. net. Accessed 8 Feb 2015.
[3] Proserpina. Wikipedia. Accessed 8 Feb 2015.
[4] Fifth World. Wikipedia. Accessed 8 Feb 2015.
[5] Corpuz,  Gerry Albert. “Send the Aurora Free Port Zone project to the grave – farmers, fisherfolk.” In, archived in 23 Jan 2014.

Peb 2, 2015

Dalawang lalaki ang daigdig na ito

Nakaposas ang isa, kahuhubad lamang ng piring sa mga mata.
Gawa ito ng lalaking nakatakip ang bibig at panga,
at kung may papansi’y may kaliitan ang katawan.

Ngunit siya ang nakatindig. Ano ang magagawa ko?

Lalaki rin pala ang may hawak ng bidyo. At yung asa bahay
pausal-usal. Dadalawang katao ang daigdig na ito.

Annex 1

1 as an indicator has two meanings, 
1) because I did not know her and her
2, returning from Personal
2) she was not able
2.5 due to miscalculation.
3, BS
3 (Exploring Gender and
if the #3 guideline means
follow item #3
4, BS
-4R, given during the First
-4R. The tasks of the legislator included the following: preparing a
5, returning
V. Message
6, effective
-6R, in which she earned
that this was already the 9th

10 and 10, respectively.”
12, returning 
14          Acting
49.7) because I was not able
112 Automatic
the 125th
reminded of the 126th

221          City, April
223          Sustainable
230          Preparedness and Resiliency”
315          Visiting
351          Dr. M
366          There was no correction
400          Discrepancy in her
428          “I committed
443          “My attention
Only 459 finally
460          “The mistake was due to the fact that I was not able to give

body that of the 464
she handled about 500
Line 504
519          error” and due to “fear
543          because some go home as soon as they are sure
627          confusion. He also said that dividing
676          avoid
696          M
1313 | Luna
Cebu 1986
London 2007
Batangas 2009
(2010) will be used
2014; Ex-

Annotation 3: Bautista’s “Flights”

Agents of the show “Ang Munting Hiling” negotiated with Brian Justimbaste for the revision of his wishlist. He agrees to this, gives in until nothing of his wishlist remains and he gets a package completely decided by the show:
“See, this skydiving deal we have includes a full-body massage and spa, a gift check from Uranus Tiles (because “a world without floors is a world without doors”) and an extra parachute!”
His character, details of his past, and even his recent choices get revised in the course of representation—
The man told me the synopsis of my 60-minute exposure: I committed suicide (but failed). Prior to that a colleague wrote this letter to Ang Munting Hiling about my “unfulfilled desires”, the intersections of which is this girl, Julie, which I didn’t know (in real life). She had slapped me in the face, had left a number of death threats, a rabid dog, poignant receipts, etc. on my doorstep. This colleague wanted me to experience the “thrill” of life away from binge drinking, drugs, and whatnot. The neighbor, Aling Luz, which has been my neighbor only when there was fire (every three months) within two blocks from my street, will act as my confidante about this girl, Julie. Aling Luz, in a certain interview, would say something about my being a “Christ-centered”, “loving”, “fastidious”, “incisive” and “diffident” person. 
—and one wonders if it was for this very reason that Brian entered himself into the contest, as if the failed attempt at self-annihilation could somehow be corrected (or extended) by the doubling of the self. As the paragraph reveals, his act and manner of telling the story enriches this doubled image. For instead of telling his life himself, Brian opts to convey what the agent conveys about how the show of his life will play out. There are at least two contesting (but also: complicit) ways of mediation: the show’s use of Brian, and Brian’s use of the show.

One could make the case that this relay mirroring is perverse, a way of obscuring the self-image for the self without the luxury of averting one’s eyes. Be that as it may, this is no case of staring at the abyss but one of glimpsing it: as perhaps befits the briefness of the textual narrative as well as that of the exposure.

I would not make a case for his passivity, even if the story is one of giving up and giving in (perhaps also: of having been given up). As with the (possibly real) suicide attempt, this passivity is but Brian’s performance of himself. And the show bought it. The viewers will likely buy it.

It is also likely that Brian has pressed himself into buying it.

[1] Bautista, Kevin Moses E. “Flights.” The Sunday Times Magazine. 22 Jan 2012: B4.
[2] Annotation 1.
[3] Annotation 2.