Peb 27, 2002


Panagbenga ang taguri sa isang linggong pagdiriwang ng mga taga-lungsod Baguio sa pamumukadkad ng mga bulaklak. Nagsimula ito nuong Pebrero 22 at magtatapos sa Marso 3.

Nasaksihan ko, sa unang pagkakataon ang pagpapasinaya sa ganitong pagdiriwang. Busog na busog ang mga mata ng manonood! Kasingmakulay ng sari-saring talulot ng Baguio ang mga kasuotan ng mga kalahok sa parada nuong unang araw.

May mga bulaklak sa mga kasuotan, instrumento at katawan ng mga manunugtog at mananayaw. Syempre, may disenyo ng bulaklak maging sa mga mukha nila. Para bang hindi pa sapat ang rosy cheeks ng mga Baguio para sa ganuong pagdiriwang!

Tuwang-tuwa ako, sasabihin ko na rin kung hindi pa halata. Matindi ang sabayang sayawan, alam mong praktisado pero hindi lumabas na pilit! Bigay-todo ang mga mananayaw sa isang komyunal na pagpapakita ng gilas at pagpaparamdam ng init at paghahatid ng dinamismo sa mapagbunying masang manonood.

Aktibo ang mga organisador at kalahok. Halatang bukal sa puso nila ang paghanda at paghain ng presentasyon para sa madla. Sila ang kaluluwa na nagpapakilos sa estetik ng Baguio. Kaugnay ng lamig, simoy, tunog, at mga talulot ang mga mamamayan mismo na yaman ng lungsod at tunay na maipagmamalaki.

May mga tambol, lira, plawta, klarinet, trumpeta at iba pang instrumentong pangmusika. Sari-sari ang pinapatugtog. Narinig ko ang palasak na Angelina, Superman, at ilang klasikal na piyesa tulad ng William Tell Overture (na mas sosyal na taguri sa mas kilala natin bilang tema ng Long Ranger).

Paborito ko sa lahat ang tema mismo ng Panagbenga. Isa itong simpleng piyesa, mapag-isip ngunit sigurado. Anumang grupo ang tumugtog at umindak sa tonong ito, gayon pa rin ang dating sa akin.

Maligayang pagdating sa mga bulaklak ng Baguio. Maligayang pagdating rin sa mga banyagang turista ang lungsod. Sana hindi masiphayo ang ganda, halimuyak, at kulay ng mga bulaklak bago ito masaksihan, maamoy, at maranasan ng kanilang mga kababayan.

At para naman sa aking mga kababayan, sana makilala ang mga ponsetya, rosas at iba pang bulaklak bilang mga biyayang karapat-dapat lamang linangin, kalingain, bantayan, at mahalin.



I read "Let a thousand flowers bloom" written across some city banners and floats. I wonder if the officials always used the Chinese proverb for the feast. Or knew the history of such a statement.

Even now home and mired once more in work and other briefly forgotten life-long rituals, the theme of the Panagbenga is still playing in my head.

I know I'll forget it eventually. I'll leave it somewhere back in the unaccounted-for recesses of my mind to remember only when I hear it again. Or when some tune or march rises from the background resembling its strains.

Upon hearing it then, I wish I had such aptitude or at least a functional memory for musical pieces.

To most people, probably even some natives, it may seem like just another marching tune. To me however, the overreading fool that I am, it seemed so somber yet resolute. By somber, I mean not the "dispiriting" variant. I mean "dignified."

I hear through it the march of a victorious host arriving from the completion of a skirmish. Or a great war. It rises from battlefield with heads proud yet held low. Because before rising, some of its beloved number fell.

Very morose, mournful even. But steadfast and strong in cadence, as if knowing, feeling and proclaiming the end of a righteous indignation, a sated cause. As if discovering and revealing some natural truth or poetic justice everybody knew existed yet no one ventured to prove or bring to some fated conclusion.

As if gazing upon the great loss left behind. As if conferring upon casualty the valor it has earned. As if affirming the meaning of the deaths.

The host rises from its own ashes. The flowers bloom again despite the despite struggle with time and civilization. And although each cycle knows a petal or two less, the proud stems assert the beauty of the bloom.

Peb 22, 2002


Here, the change of seasons are upon us. We are arid and dew-cloaked at the same time. Our comingled hair knows both stillness and wind. And our eyes are moist but sore.

Upon us are the riddles of our times. And we only have what we were proud once to call education. Now we can only speak it in whispers. As if both in false humility and in sheer embarassment. Our lofty ideals have failed us, we think.

Thinking not that we, the ascendant, are not lofty enough for them.

So we speak the tongue of compromise much more than we need to. We end up with another voice. Our arms refuse to grope and reach, so they grow shorter. Our feet decline to run the mile or even stride. Thus we are crippled.

Here, the change of seasons are upon us and we pull them down, those who are singularly hot or cold or white or black. Or red. We cannot suffer them, dreaming still the dreams that we have banished from the realm of reason. We would have them banished too.

We pull them down, those with least doubt. As if pulling them down were symptomatic of faith. That is our only resolution, to exile the resolute.

Upon us are the riddles of our times. They push forward with their answers, to triumph and survive or perish in trying. But their answers live on with such a flame that blinds us so much that we deny them.

We say to ourselves that it doesn't exist. There are no riddles and no answerers. But we just can't raise our hand or put our foot down.

The seasons are changing and we remain the same, always caught in the indecision that is fashionable, the doubting that rends our very identities. The seasons are upon us but we have no answer.

Our compromises have filled us to the brim, but we are parched. Our hair are tangled at the roots, justifying only our inaction, never serving as reason to move together. And our eyes grow ever more moist and warm, the skin around it trembling, twitching. We see nothing.

You and I, we only know that they are sore.
I reached my quota sooner than I expected. I haven't been keeping track, I guess. I just wanted ten articles in and well, that's it. This is my last article then.

Goodbye Peyups. Or should I sign up with another pen name and make another ten? (",)

Killing Time in Cold Place

I just went through some of the horrible typo errors I committed. Typographical error is of course a fashionable way of saying almost anything ranging from a petty blunder to utter stupidity. Stupid will do for me, I guess.

Baguio is around ten hours away, I fathom. Will that activity be such as this one? A going-over of recently committed typos? I wonder. I come from one of those Catholic High Schools (I love the Saint but the memory is another thing altogether) where we have have those spiritual retreats. Heart-rending for some, a bit amusing for others, and just plain and simple waste of time for some hardcore evil doers.

I'm not hardcore so count my state in another category: gut-wrenching.

I may approximate that state again this time. Although I really originally just planned to be aimless. Something I haven't been in quite a while. Just plain purposeless. Walking or running or crawling around in those large and small and polka-dotty imperfect circles.

But can one really aim for aimlessness? It's like ideology (which I will blog about sometime). Everybody has one. Even the one who says she has no ideology is making a very ideological statement.

Everything has power relations. Everything politics. Everything Zen.

So even escape is commitment to some other purpose. I wrote my original aim. Consider it a typo error then? Nah. Call it stupid.

So I restate my purpose, the one I've been blogging about. I journey to stop. To smell the flowers.

Peb 20, 2002

... every best blogger started out as a sucky one...

So sayeth Reejay. And the web was another Morales richer. Well, she'll most likely go places. Stranded though she feels herself to be. As for me, I'm mighty fine, staying as "sucky" as I do!

On the verge of Baguio and I don't know how excited I'm supposed to be. Pauline, thanks for helping me out! I'm really on the verge of everything else. In the same way that each present is a cliff's end facing the abyss that is the future.

Wow, is that supposed to mean anything? I told you I'm really a sucky one. My that noun phrase just won't go away! Sucky one, sucky one. Sounds like something Tolkien's Gollum would say.

Anyway, Kris confirmed it here but left much guessing room. No problem, I thought. Everybody deserves to be enigmatic! Isn't that what blogging is all about anyway? Saying and not saying at the same time?

The whole thing is really pretty, come to think of it.
Mga Mundo

Hay naku, cliche na kung cliche sa malasapot na daigdig na ito, pero uulit-ulitin ko pa rin, kayliit ng world-wide web! Mukhang may kakilala na naman pala ako na kakilala rin ng isang kakilala ko. Medyo nakakaintriga talaga! Hinihintay ko na lamang ang huling kumpirmasyon. Kalahok pa naman sa masalimuot(?) na istoryang ito ang isa sa aking pinakapeborit na mambablag, si Kris. Totoo kaya o isang guniguni lamang?

Sa kahihintay sa mga Goons, napagbigyan ko tuloy ang hinihiling na mga libro ng mga kapatid ko, ang 1984 at Animal Farm ni George Orwell. Hindi naman nila pinapangarap basahin, talagang kahilingan lang sa mga kurso nila. OK na rin at maumpisahan na ang edukasyon ng mga tsikiting. Hala bira!

Natuwa yata sina Lisa at Jess sa Peyups fair. Buti naman! Ako babalik rin sa susunod na taon. Hahabaan ko ang pagpirmi sa fair grounds at baka sakaling maging singsaya nila ako! Pero ang susi naman sa ganyan palagi e tamang kasama!

Ria hindi ako ang nagalagay ng link mo! Magandang balita ba iyon? Sana nga! Rosally, Carol, Jen, at Cecile, salamat sa pagdaan! Pasensya na sa pananagalog ko. Mas mabubuwang kayo kapag narinig nyo ang Cebuano ko. Hay, baka patayin nyo ako sa pagmamurder ko sa marangal na wikang iyan!

Hayaan na lang nating "ambot sa imo" na lamang ang gamitin ko dito.

Maya-maya, Binangonan, Rizal. OK kaya ruon? Kapag nagkataon, ito ang magiging nexus ng aking mga mundo. At duon, kung pagpapalain, hindi ako iiwanan ng maalindog na Musa. Kagandang pangalan lang talaga. Binangonan.

Pagkatapos ng lahat ng pagkakagapi, isang bagong simulain.


I had a splendid time! The UPSandigan's self-appointed Goons made sure of that. The Big Guy and his gracious lady were marvelous company. There was no end to talk, big and small, and we would not have it end anyway. Best of luck to him and his friend from way back in Manila Science when they raided the electronics surplus shop. Bring home the 64-megabyte bacon!

Jerico and Eugene, completed the foursome. We missed vital parts of the gang like techies (nay, techgods!) Ivan and Monds and the un-pro-gamer (but very close) JP.

Jerico and Eugene are definitely not codenames. With yours truly, Dennis, we are undoubtedly anime. And maybe, in each of our own fields and ways, we have not ceased fighting ghosts.

Sanyata was almost always there through mobile phone technology. I really have to go to Baguio without her huh? I am looking forward to our Thursday meeting. Baguio will push through though I have no clear idea about the company. It won't matter much though.

The point is to be alone.

Peb 19, 2002

These are cute. Well, go figure, I got these from the Kabalarians. Really cute. Remind me not to pass my names on to my possible children.

The name of Dennis has given you a very imaginative, creative mind. You always have new ideas, but too often they are for an easy way out of a difficulty, or an easy way of making money. You are not inclined to apply yourself consistently to a job and to reach the fulfilment of your goals through perseverance and hard work. The influence of this name has caused you to feel unsettled emotionally and mentally. You are never satisfied with conditions, because your feelings and desires are so changeable. Hence you seek change in order to have the opportunity for travel, new experiences, and new friends and associates. There are people in your association who could influence you unfavourably and thereby mislead you; disillusionment, embarrassment, and bitter experiences then become your lot. You have a very talkative nature and because of it, you could do well in saleswork or in a position where you handle the public. However, you would find any position requiring self-confidence and aggressiveness very trying. You are subject to moods of depression and self-pity, arising in part from a lack of confidence. Nervous tension often affects your solar plexus and stomach area. Also, the kidneys and fluid functions of the body could be affected.

The name of Andrew has made you serious-minded, responsible, and stable. You love the security of a home and family, you are fond of children, and, as a parent you would be fair and understanding. Although you have good business judgment, you are not aggressive in your dealings because you do not like to create issues. You would be successful in any position dealing with the public as you have a diplomatic and tactful manner and possess a charming, easy-going nature which puts people at ease. People are drawn to you because they feel that you are patient, kind, understanding, and responsive. You would be effective in a career or in volunteer work where you are handling people and serving in a humanitarian way. While you are honest and responsible, one weakness that is paramount in your life is your lack of self-confidence and initiative, which causes you to put things off and avoid facing issues. Generally speaking, you have few problems with your health; however, there is a weakness affecting the fluid functions of the body.
Mechajol has his sour take on Lav Diaz's Hesus Rebolusyonaryo. Yup, we all knew there was always more to that Volkswagen cultist! We just didn't want everybody else to know, that's all!
Jerico, nakarating na ako sa Malaman at masustansya! Sa ako aktibo at ayaw ko munang pumasok sa ibang e-group. Pero maayos na batis nga karagdagang "fast facts" at opinyon yung binigay mo sa aking E-zine. At maaasahan mapapadalas ang pagdaan ko riyan. Sa mga ganyang uri ng babasahin naman, walang masasabing kompetisyon.

Balita ko umalis ka na rin daw? Sigh. Mabuti na rin iyon, siguro. Hanggang sa muling pagkukurus ng ating mga landas kaibigan.

Peb 17, 2002

[If I were an online test, I would be The James Bond Villain Personality Test]

I'm The James Bond Villain Personality Test!

I live in a fictional world of spies and blonde women with ridiculous names, and I like to give people plenty of options. Although whether they're villainous is not optional.

That's it! Hey Nico, this test resulted in the same way yours did! That's the third time that happened, at least. I didn't cheat OK? Frances is right. They're a sham! Well, they're pretty nifty space-fillers though, neat icons of ennui. I'll still have use of them, or so I want to believe. Maybe people are jaded enough to look for them in my pages! I have a quite a handful.

Anyway, if it were up to me, I'd be the "Which Online Personality Test Are You?" online personality test.

Eksaherasyon yung sa taym deposit ha?

Pakyut lang! At Larow, oks na, kailan tayo maghahalo-halo?

Nico, tama ka, may egotistikong sira ulo na walang magawa sa buhay kundi piliting ibalandra ang kanyang walang kakwenta-kwentang machismo na nagpasabog ng pillbox sa Peyups. Isa na namang pruweba na papunta na nga sa mga aso ang aking alma mater. Duon nga sa may CASAA, naruon nga yung utol kong lalaki na pinangakuan ko ng bugbog at arnis kapag nalaman kong sumali siya ng sira ulong organisasyon. Buti na lang at hindi siya ang nagpasabog. Biyernes nga ng gabi at dahil pyestang Peyups ang sadya ko, nuong gabi ko na nalaman, pag-uwi ko sa bahay, binalita nga ni little bro. Hindi bale, kapag may nakita pa akong balita tungkol sa pillbox at pillboxer na iyon, ibabato ko na lang sa direksyon mo!

Sana ligtas kayo riyan sa kampus nyo ng tropa mo pre. Ingat lang lagi kasi kahit "intrinsically good" man ang tao, may pangilan-ngilan talagang di maiiwasang may topak.

Ria girl, itanong mo sa kanya kung may tampo pa siya! At itanong mo kung natuwa siya sa hapi valentayms at hapi teacher's day nya! Hehe, kampante ba masyado? Pakibigay na lang kay Yjhay ang addy ko ha? Hindi ko yata natanggap yung text nya e, si Sanyata yata. (",)

Peb 16, 2002

Uh, OK. Why do I always end up with the same results as the other people I read? For example, this one's from Frances. And this other one is from Lisa.

Maybe we're all just bored? Hehe. Anyway I've been thinking of updating my links page. Or at least comment here on some new sites I've been following. Tsk tsk. The quick brown fox jumps over the damn lazy dog.
At last it is over! The car is sold and my time deposit's monthly interest will probably give me more money than my part-time job! Whew! For now, I won't mind a vacation from all that. And Baguio is just a week away. The Company has changed, but the mission stays the same. Stop and smell them flowers!

I must remember to be grateful for that boost. It would be a bit easier to make a start now, I guess. It came at a good time.

Books Queued for Reading:

  • Pingkian by Lamberto Antonio
  • Edad-Medya by Jose Lacaba
  • Krisis at Rebolusyong Pilipino by Jose Ma. Sison
  • Gabay sa Tunay na Unyonismo
  • Return of the King by J.R.R. Tolkien

I wish I were a speed reader. I wonder if I'll have any time left to create my NGO's brochure? I'm pretty laid back right now and, whether I like it or not, work will find a way of catching up with me.

No matter. These things will be dealt with.

Well, I had a blast in the UP Fair last night, February 15, but it was mainly because of the company (Hello!), not the fair itself. It would have been much more fun if Belle told me she was there (were you in a blue shirt?)! And because I was not too uptight with the dough as I usually am.

I didn't like the way the master of ceremonies handled the show. I didn't like the show much either. Except for the Kontra-Gapi performances of course (or Reg will kill me). And the caterpillar didn't have proper panelling at the sides. If you sat on the left side, your ribs would be crushed by the unpanelled frame. If you sat on the right, you would crush the other set of ribs of your seatmate.

In the end, it was the reminiscing that mattered, right Irish? Yup, those were the days.

I couldn't stay long enough for Barbie's Cradle, Razorback or Slapshock. I had to catch up with my eldest sister and our "little" brother (who's beginning to dwarf the both of us) at Chili's. No sense telling himd about the birds and the bees, he may even know more than you do ate! Hehe.

My sister said the corn on the cob tasted much like my iced tea. I hated it too. I had bottomless iced tea and bottomless chips and salsa. Rare treat. Strangely, I enjoyed this one dish we shared. Half-rack of baby back ribs.

Peb 14, 2002

Happy Valentine's Day! Happy Teacher's Day too! I love you all! And one little teacher in particular! (",)

Peb 12, 2002


As I make my unusual path among the unusual paths trodden by unusual men, I have made it clear to myself that I can live without two usual processes: the driving of cars and the engagement in sales.

I have nothing against either, truth be told. I just never got along to dreaming along those lines. I was segurista. My elder sister says that makes me a lousy bussinessman and a good writer. (She's my beloved sister, so any flattery from her is golden!) I'm no good at taking risks. I don't love the fast lane.

Having such a path that I would liken to no other man's (as no other man would like to liken their paths to most any other man), I find almost every turn quite surprising. Just now, despite all my leanings, I have to sell this AUV that fate so benevolently bestowed on me. But BIR would not smile at me as fate did unless I gave the prize's 20% tax.

My first thought was to sell it. They cautioned loan, I said "Hell no!" I won't be paying for that prize for the remainder of my so-called youth! Besides, all those kids would just etch their names on that rust-proof finish before I get near to getting a garage (or my own house for that matter). Who would care for an AUV with a roll call of the barangay children (and the drunk elders who just happened to have their tansan handy)?

Nope! We had a third (or was it fourth?) -hand car once. And I've gone through the veritable Hell of pushing it when it was stuck on the uphill side of the Ortigas fly-over. All those hoots from unair-conditioned buses, all those peekers who managed to roll down their windows and stare even at high-speeds, and all that black smoke reminding you that it's really not healthy to be exerting a lot of effort and breathing too deeply in that part of town.

Pleasant. Yeah. I really loved cars after that. Besides, I'll miss all my fellow-commuters who just don't give a damn about you but think that everybody else gives a damn about them and try to sit so inconspicuously just so we can all go on staring.

Anyway. I'm in a world that I really don't care for. These buyers and agents trying to get the better of you, I tell you, in this business, you have to exert so much just to stand your ground! Very cutthroat. I don't regret winning though because it gives me something interesting to post. But I damn well hate having to hustle while in the middle of food or sleep.

Nope. Not the fast lane for me.

So I devoted a good part of the expected proceeds to agents. One such branch of my little network had a grand total of six! Yes! Just one buyer and I get six agents! And it's barely amusing how they organized themselves. They require me to brief all of them separately! And when after acquiescing and wasting precious phone load on informing everybody, one still manages to misinform one of the others. So I get up to the sound of my generic 5110 ringing tone in the not-so-dead-anymore-Dead of night wishing it was someone who loves me.

But that agent, who is four decades my senior and subtly reminds me of that fact at every intonation, barely loves me. No, I'm not the prospective source of his money. I am between him and his thousands. The bull doesn't cherish the fence.

You just want to shout to your agent, "Hey! Which side are you on anyway?" And I did just that over the phone (just because I was having so much fun). And I was waiting for him to say "Huh?" But no, the just elder replied after a moment's consideration, "I'm on the side of what is right."

And I thought, "Huh?"

Well, if you have my URL, you'll read here and know, elder agent. You're not going to get to your little green pasture that way! No bull.

Anyway, It's a ball really. I can understand why people could really base their lives on something like this. It's fun. It's perversely pleasurable getting on top of things. And taking control, as I have found myself capable of doing in this once-alien field. It's like debate. Only here, even the subtlest sophistries count. So you have to keep your eye on the ball without trimming the peripheral vision. People can really get to love and admire this stuff especially if they have the proper set of norms, values, and motivation. Conditioning, in short. You must want it to get it.

Even though, despite all the chicken soup and inspirational "diet-coke" books they sell to make some dough on people's frustrations, the majority who want even the most basic things, do not get. But these would comprise another article. For now, on business, I could perfectly understand why even an entire world could be based on something like this.

And why some men might want to walk, or at least dream, of an unusual path.


Astig ang aking kapalaran ayon sa Inquirer Libre. Para sa lahat ng MRT riders (sarap magkomyut!), gumising kayo ng maaga para maabutan nyo ang kopya nyo! Pinag-aagawan naming magkakapatid iyan sa bahay. Laluna ang horoscope section. Sa araw na ito, hindi namin napunit ang isyu. Heto ang para sa akin:

Trabaho: Iwasang mapagod, mahirap magkasakit.
Pera: Pagkakakitaan mo yang videoke voice mo.
Pag-ibig: Merong may crush sa iyong kapre.

Oy! Piscean! Hetong sa'yo:

Trabaho: Magpapayat ka muna bago mag-dancer.
Pera: Huwag padadala sa kantiyaw ng barkada.
Pag-ibig: Pinapawisan ka sa ilong: seloso!

O ayan, verbatim iyan. Kung di kayo magising ng maaga, sabihin nyo lang ang zodiac sign nyo para mailathala ko rito sakaling may maabutang kopya na hindi punit ang seksyon para sa kapalaran.

Piscean, bakit sa iyo sila nangangantyaw? Baka nga mapilitan kang mag-dancer nyan. May ipapayat ka pa ba? Sasayaw ka ba to-the-tune ng aking videoke-voice?

Selosa ka raw. Inggit ka dahil may me crush sa aking balbon ano?


Ipinasa ko ang artikulong ito sa Tinig ilang araw bago ang kontrobersyal na pagpapamalas ng nakaksilaw na IQ ni Gloria at hinati niya ang mga Pinoy sa Terorista ayon sa mga interes ng Estados Unidos. Ilalagay ko narin ito rito. Pero palabas na ang isyu ng Tinig at ipapaalam ko na lang kapag mababasa ninyo ang mga mas maganda at masustansyang panunulat ng mga kasamahan ko ruon.



Ipinagtapat sa isang palabas kamakailan ng DEBATE nina "Mare at Pare" ang mga Amerikanong sundalo at ang tropang Abu Sayyaf. Ihinain ito bilang pangunahing tanong: "Kanino ka mas natatakot, sa mga Amerikano o sa Abu Sayyaf?" Doon ako natakot sa mga implikasyon ng ganyang pagtatanong.

Fan ako kung sa fan ng DEBATE. Napopopularisa nito hindi lamang ang mga isyu kundi mismong pagtindig ng mga Pinoy para sa kanilang mga prinsipyo. Napagtatapat nito ng maayos ang mga kalahok sa tulong ng mga gabay na katanungan upang maisaayos ang pagluwal sa mga punto at kontrapuntong kumakatawan sa isang isyu. At nailalahok nito ang mamamayan sa tulong ng mga makabagong paraan ng paghahatid ng feedback. May botohan pa at tally na sadyang mas natutukan ng sambayanan kaysa anumang ilabas ng SWS. Nagamit nang husto nina Mareng Winnie at Pareng Oka ang mga oportunidad ng midyum para sa benepisyo ng kamalayang Pilipino.

Pero bakit ganuon na lamang ang pagtatapat sa mga Kano at Abu? Sa pagtatanong pa lamang, tila may pamumusisyon nang nangyari sa kabila ng pagka"neutral" na nais ipakita sa pamamagitna nina Mare at Pare sa estudyo.

Baka naging primaryang konsiderasyon lang talaga na makaengganyo ng mga manonood sa gabing iyon. Siguro nga talagang kailangang hakutin ang mga tao para punuin ang mga telemessage center, e-mailbox, at cellphone inbox ng programa. Pero anuman ang dahilan, namrublema talaga ako sa indikasyon ng ganitong tanong sa ating panlipunang diskurso. Gagamitin natin ang pagtatapat na ginawa ng katanungang ito para sa ating benepisyo rin.


Saan ba tayo nais i-"lead" ng "question" na ito? Nagkakaroon ng mapanlinlang na paghahati ng mga mamamayan. Mga mas takot sa Kano at mas takot sa Abu. May lugar ba para sa matindi ang takot sa dalawa? Kaugma nito ang "bi-polarization" na isinasagawa ngayon ng Estados Unidos.

Ang polarisasyong ito ay klasikal na metodo ng digma. Mithi nito ang paghatak sa mga mamamayan sa isang panig. Iniitiman ang "kalaban" para lumabas ang pagkaputi ng "bida." Walang lugar para sa mga in-betweener. Para ka sa "katarungan" o kalaban ka nito. Maraming nagiging mapanganib na simplipikasyon at heneralisasyon dahil sa taktikang ito.

Dalawa ang "di-makatarungang" anak ng ganitong pag-iisip. Una, hindi na nabubusisi pa ang mga ugat ng pag-aaway. Basta mali ang isa, siya ang nanguna at tanging may-sala. Paano halimbawa, kung may papel naman talaga ang nagpapakabidang panig sa pag-usbong ng pagngangalit ng kabila?

Ikalawa, nagiging matuwid ang anumang isagawa ng bida. Nakukuha niya ang lahat ng suporta. Minimum ang mga katanungan at kritisismo sa kanyang mga ikinikilos at obhetiba. Kung magtaas ka ng kamay o kilay at pinansin ka, sapat nang sabihing detrimental ang iyong pag-iisip sa "common cause." Kaya mapag-iinitan ka ng mayoryang naengganyo sa kanyang panig.


Pero sa kasong ito, mapasa-Al Qaeda o Abu Sayyaf, may papel na ginampanan ang EU sa kanilang genesis. Ngayon, sa kabig ng pansariling interes itinapat niyo ang sarili nito bilang kalaban ng terorismo at tanggulan ng demokrasya.

At ito naman talaga ang usapin dito. Bakit ipinagtatapat ang mga Kano at Abu na para tayong pinagtatalaga ng isang necessary evil? Porke ba may sarili tayong kinikilalang mukha ng terorismo, lohikal na sumusunod na may papel na ang mga Kano sa bansa natin. Interes lamang naman talaga nila ang kanilang kinikilala simula't sapul pa lamang ng kanilang unang pekeng "pagligtas" nila sa atin mula sa Espanya. Mula sa mga Hapon sa pamamagitan ng tropa ni MacArthur. Mula sa ating "kamangmangan" sa pamamagitan ng giyera, Thomasites, at Commonwealth.

Bakit ipantatapat ang mga Kano sa Abu? Yaon ang dapat katakutan! Lumaki ang problemang Abu dahil sa maling pamamrayoridad ng gubyerno, pakikipagsabwatan ng mga lokal na opisyal, at maling diskarte ng militar. Matakot tayo na para solusyunan ang problema, itinatalaga ang mga Kano bilang "natural" na katapat ng Abu at sa proseso, mas malaking problema para sa hinaharap ang pinapasok natin.

Tinagurian nilang "Balikatan" ang ehersisyo ng mga Kano at Pinoy sa ilalim ng katraydurang kasunduan na VFA. Nasayang ang kagandahan ng salita na nakalaan sana para sa tunay na pagkakaibigan at pagkakapatid ng mga Pinoy. Ginagamit ito ngayon para pagandahin ang imahe ng Kano kasama ang Pinoy. Ngunit ang tunay na imahe ay ang panibagong krus, gawa sa antigong kahoy, na ipinapatong sa balikat natin.

Peb 10, 2002


Lumabas na pala ang aking ikasiyam na artikulo sa Salamat sa mga editor! Kaya ko binibilang kasi hanggang sampu lang ang plano ko. Pero sa totoo lang, hindi ko rin alam na ilalathala ang isang ito. Natagalan kasi sa paglabas e. Nauna pa yung isa. Siguro tinataymingan rin nilang wala na sa uso ang Nokia 3310.

Huh? Wala bang konek? Meron yan!

Heto ang walang konek. Nakapag-apply na rin ako sa wishlist ng sa wakas. Maglagay kaya ako ng shipping addy? Baka sakaling may magtrip, hehe. Sarap nito kung magkataon!

Ngayon at napag-uusapan na rin ang kape (opo, paraphernalia para sa kape ang nasa wishlist na iyan!), dumako naman tayo sa halo-halo (huh?). Ngayon at may ice shaver na kayo, ang susunod na prerekisito sa espesyal na halo-halo ay ang tinatawag nating "pinipig." Yun!

O di ba? Hindi na kailangan ng eksplanasyon. Pinipig. Amen. Sarap!

Pero tutal may pinipig na, bawas-bawasan na ang asukal. May angking tamis na naman iyan e. Tapos may iba pa namang halo tulad ng leche flan, ube at saba na may kanya-kanyang tamis. Gatas na lang ang idagdag. Kung trip talaga ang sobrang tamis, kondensada.

Baka masanay ako sa halo-halong pagsusulat! Pati yung bago kong mga ka-E-grupo sa, nadala na rin sa pagkain ang usapan!

Peb 7, 2002

Through all this, you are everpresent. and I wonder what I have done to deserve the honor.

You move amid the gnawing thought, cold fear, and dark anger that I am usually allied with. These are grim times for me, migraines and eye strains attend me. But you are always there, unbitter pill, warm eye drop. You are as inevitable as the onset of sleep to all thoughts, the falling of the eyelid.

Through all this, you are my companion. You are lovely but I have not shown you much deference. Because beyond the migraine and eye strain, I am profoundly foolish and blind. Yet, in all your states - vapor, thought, fire, ice, liquid, flesh, and dream - you embrace me.

And there, there and nowhere else, as I am thus encompassed, I understand my folly and see my blindness.

I behold you and I know something in the world is right. Although I cannot reconcile how the song can co-exist with the mad din that is the world. But I know there is reason yet to live. The very same reason I can die for someday.

I see you and I know that something in the world is perfect. But I wonder why I am so blessed. I have done nothing to deserve the honor.

Reading: Tolkien's "The Two Towers" and Rousseau's "Meditations of a Solitary Walker"

Craving: for Caesar's salad, Inihaw na Liempo, and Ponstan 500.

Thinking: that I am a lucky, undeserving bastard.

Feeling: like a cat on a hot tin roof...

...of a birdcage on a very high pole.

Peb 5, 2002

In Pace Requiescat. Wala akong tiwala sa Latin. Pero ito nga siguro ang angkop, isang wikang pumanaw na. Mamarkahan ko lang rito, kung mamarapatin Ninyo, pero hindi ko po babahiran ng marurungis kong salita ang Inyong alaala.
Usaping Halo-halo

Ipagpapatuloy natin ang makabuluhang pagtalakay sa isang mabigat ng panlipunang isyu. Ano ang nagpapasarap sa halo-halo? Simple ang sagot riyan, kinaskas na yelo. Kahit wala ka nang pakaong-kaong o panata-nata-de-coco, kahit puro saba, sago at ube lang para sa iyo ay halo-halo na, oks yun!

Basta iwanan ang dinurog na yelo, kahit pa na-blender o na-food factory iyan. Kinaskas na yelo o shaved ice ang magpapasarap talaga riyan. Yun bang tipong natutunaw talaga kapag nilalagyan mo ng gatas! Tipo bang nakikipagniig sa dila!

Wala lang. Malapit na kasi tag-init e. Naisipan ko lang na mas gusto pala talaga ang tradisyunal na halo-halo kesa blizzard.

Nga pala, kung nasa coffee shop business ka, huwag kang kukuha ng tao mula sa Dairy Queen. Hindi ako naninira. Pero naisipan mo na ba kung anong mangyayari kung kumuha ang Starbucks o Figaro's ng crew mula sa DQ?

"Dennis!" tatawagin niya yung pangalan mong nakapentel sa styrocup. Tapos itataas niya ang baso... babaligtarin ito. Sa kasawiang-palad, iba ang "staying power" ng blizzard kumpara sa kape.

O isa pang ihahalo rito, mega-plug na naman ako sa Pansitan ni Ate Sienna. Ok ang sayt na ito. Magaling magsulat, magpakyut, at magpataas ng kilay itong si Ate. Bisitahin ang kanyang "discussion board" para sa huntahan. Ang kagalingan nitong si Ate e nasa pagpili ng kanyang paksain.

Nga pala, na-feature ang mga tekstong bopis sa kanyang Row Por isyu. Hehe.

Sa susunod na magbuhat ako ng bangko, hampasin n'yo na lang ako sa ulo. Ng bangko.

Naroon rin (at mas karapat-dapat naman talaga!) ang mga rebyu tungkol sa sayt ng katropa ko sa Susmariosep! na si CokeAddict at ang paborito kong all-Pinoy blogger na kilala ko lang sa Guniguni.

Inggit naman daw ako kina Mark at ang tropang nagkita-kita sa Powerplant. Kilala ko ruon ang kasusma(?) kong Taym Matsing at ang kablock (hehe) kong si Kantogirl.

Alam kong nakakairita ang sulating ito dahil nga halo-halo. Pero kung tyinaga talaga at binasa hanggang sa puntong ito, heto ang premyo.Kapag nakita nyo ko, haltakin nyo ko para ililibre ko kayo ng halo-halo.

Nanalo nga pala ako ng Revo sa Pamaskong Handog sa 7-11. Kung gusto niyo, tsek nyo pa sa inyong suking 24-hour convenience store kung sino ang hinayupak na nanalo ng grand prize.

Pero bago ang lahat, ihanap nyo muna ako ng mapagbebentahan. Kelangan ko ng pambili ng halo-halo nyo e.


Sa lahat sa gesbuk, hello! Kumander, saludo ako sa iyo. Sinulat ko na rin ito dito para matanggal sa isip ko yung isang bagay na di hamak namang mas malaki. Gusto ko kasing isulat e. Nasanay na ako sa blog. Pero bakit ba parang hindi ito ang tamang venyu?


For them there are words upon words upon words. What need have you of my whim or tales? You possess my Silence. And everything else that pours forth from it. At last you understand. There is no need for the vast sea to envy froth and bubbles. Despite everything that is bleak, I am happy. And the cause should know her effect.

Visit me again. I am your vassal.
All Apologies, No Justification

I'm being such a difficult person lately. It's a wonder my friends are still there for me. I'm sorry I can't talk freely guys. I owe you much, I know. But I'm trying not too say as much as I did before because I don't know how my words will come out. If I were the normal bitch, I'd probably be very cranky right now, cussing under my breath, devil eyes and all.

But I had to be the weird silent-type jerk. So I have all that, attitude, breath, and eyes, all crushed under my control-freakiness. So I pass off as someone sunk in downers, bubbling at the mouth, froth and all. Wearing a very dumb expression.

But I'm trying to contain it. If I don't give much feedback lately, it's not because I'm not listening. It's because I don't know what shape or tone my words will take if I let them have their way. But I'm listening, really, I am! Despite this dumb look on my face.

Thanks for understanding. I wouldn't know if I'd be just as gracious if we exchanged places. Adversity tells us a lot of things. Sometimes we think if these lessons are really worth it. Aren't they just too costly?

But we get them anyway. Like some consolation prize for losers. This time though, the "prize" consoled me a bit. I'm (somehow perversely) glad that I woke up today thinking that I had such stout-hearted friends.

That lasted for about a full minute. Then I got depressed again because I realized how much of a weird jerk I've been in comparison.

Feeling much like: crushed ginger
Sleeping a lot like: ready-to-cook live catfish
Thinking just like: lazy prawn
Walking much like: ready-to-cook live catfish

...on drugs

Peb 1, 2002

Kris was talking about endless food. I remember my own Kamayan buffet table experience. We were in the desserts section see? We were an assembly of strangers trying to concoct our own halo-halo from the selection. There was an assortment of beans, sliced sweetened saba, ube, leche flan - the works really! We were all standing there, filling our special glasses to the brim, until the bowl of ice came.

We looked at our glasses, each other's glasses, and finally each other. We smiled. No one left any room for the ice.
Patoma kayo!

January 28 (2001) - Hello Rosally. How was the "party"? Man, you're in way over your head! But if you must really prove yourself in that field... Just, belated happy birthday and good luck on Valentine's day! (",)

January 29 (circa 1800) - How's work? I'm sorry this was so belated! In any case, I'm just really glad I got to greet you here! Happy, happy birthday Michelle!

January 31 (1901) - Happy birthday Ria! It seems you are on your way to being a full-fledged weblogger. Despite all your sighs, I hope you smile even once on your birthday! I hope you won't go to The House...

February 1 (1969) - Happy Birthday Eugene! I miss our walks to Philcoa and our anti-McDo poems. Well, our paths will part but don't be a stranger man. At least not now when you're on to give us a birthday treat!

Magarbo ang disenyo sa kalye namin. Fiesta kasi rito sa Guadalupe Viejo. Para sa banderitas, nakakuha sila ng sandamukal na mga poster ng isang detergent brand. Kulay bughaw at puti ang mga poster.

Ginupit-gupit nila ito sa sukat na tatsulok. Tapos nakalagay sa mga straw string. Ang maganda rito, kumpol-kumpol ang pagkakasabit ng mga string. Magkakalapit talaga, ilang pulgada lang ang layo sa isa't isa! Para tuloy binubungan mo yung buong kalye ng isa pang mas mababang layer ng bughaw at puting langit!

Sa bawat kinseng tali, merong isinabit sa gitna na isang plastik na paket mula naman sa isang "bumubulong" na kompanya ng feminine napkin. Pero pula ito kaya nakakatawag-pansin. Nagsusumigaw talaga, korteng puso pa. Isang linggo na nakakabit ang mga ito. Malamang paabutin na nila ang disenyo hanggang Valentines.


Stop and Smell the Flowers

If all goes well, I might come up to Baguio again! This time, I'll have a different company in tow. Two of the hardiest folk I know. It's really going to be tough keeping up with them. These two guys eat so fast, walk so resolutely, and talk such strong words. If we come across the "bad elements," so to speak, they'll either beat the crap out of them or run so fast and leave me to my picturesque doom amid the colors of the Flower Festival.

Both of them have firm political convictions. And since they do not wear the same color in the spectrum, I'll probably be caught between an exchange of fireworks.

Our little troop may be graced by the Flower among flowers. She might be our host. She is a resident of Baguio, which I have dubbed as the land of the perpetual blush. Those people have great skins. Of course, her glow is no exception.

Though not exactly a northern-exposure-tripper like the rest of us, she still looks forward to the parade. If a native could still appreciate what has been so frequently served her, it must really be good. That's the rule of thumb for cuisine, tourist spots, and festivities.

I hope we get to visit Good Shepherd this time. Those are damn fine sweets. And I mean fine, not a vulgar blend, really smooth. Somehow maybe, they can infect their ube, starwberry, and nut with their serenity.

And all those leafy veggies! Another salad at home I think, I won't mind a Lettuce and Green Pepper Festival! And maybe, if we're very, very lucky, our dear guide might show us some dogmeat.

February 22-25. Send me an SMS if you're there! Let's see what's to be seen, taste what's to be tasted, and smell what should be smelled! Send me some message too if you want pasalubong!


Want to read about a postgraduate schoolgirl crush? That one is by Belle.
Maligayang Kaarawan!

Gaganapin sa Sabado, Pebrero a-dos na walang pasok ang Pangkulturang Paggunita ng Kilusang Pangmanggagawa sa Pilipinas. Maligayang bati sa lahat sa atin! Tayong mga nakakasalo sa mga pasulong na benepisyo ng organisasyon sa hanay ng mga manggagawa!

Makisalo tayo ruon! Kasaya kaya ng isang Pangkulturang Pagtitipon! Kadalasan duon may tulaan, kwentuhan, kantahan, sayawan, at mga Pagtatanghal! Masaya ruon lalo na ang partisipasyon ng mga tradisyunal na "manunood!"

Duon gaganapin sa Philippine Independent Church, yung nakahanay sa Taft? Muli, maligayang kaaraawan sa lahat ng mga nagbabanat-buto! Ipagdiwang ang pagkamagkakapatid sa Pawis!