Nob 10, 2009

Calling in Sick

Gonzalo's vision is affecting mine. Before I knew Gonzalo, dinner at Maxim's with wealthy people was an aesthetic experience. The place all in red, sensuous plush, exquisite crystals, candles, crockery, the courtesy of waiters, the elegance and beauty of the dresses. I never really saw the people close up. I saw them as one sees a Viennese waltz in a film or on a stage. Crystal chandeliers, music, animation, rhythm. Lyrical moments. This time my eyes opened and I saw their faces, their gestures, saw expressions I had never noticed. The rich and the noveux riches, the aristocrats and the tycoons. I saw irony, arrogance, greed, malice, mockery, self-satisfaction, shallowness. And when I questioned the value of each person at the table as individuals, I could not find any.

Anais Nin
Diary entry
November 1936

I begin the semester with little unspeakable illnesses as well as fresh set of grudges. How is it mathematically possible that, for three years now, I've been shedding friends at a much faster rate than I gain them and yet I still have this good handful left? I can type their names here, it won't take 2 minutes. But I fear that if I do that, I will - by way of word-magic - lose them.

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