M—

May bumisitang advisee, kani-kanina lang. Hindi ho ninyo kilala o makikilala pa. Ayun, nagkahuntahan. Nawala na yung pinagtatrabahuhan niya (nilamon ng kompetisyon) kung kaya'y naghahanap ng bago.

Pero Feb Fair ang sadya na rito, mga kasamahan niyang Kabitenyo. Hindi na yata ako dapat nag-aabiso sa kanya, pero ayun. Nakagawian na rin namin.

Sadyang hindi na ako karapat-dapat humingi ng payo. Pero heto.

Huntahang Monico Atienza: “KAIBIGAN XIV”

Bawat salita’t panalita
ay may teorya, maiteteorya;
maipaliliwanag, malilinaw,
ibig sabihin.
Pagtulang biseral o serebral,
meron din; di nakakaiwas
pati paglulubid ng buhangin.
Pagkapayaso ko’t tangkang tulain
sa silong teorya’y salikop din;
kundi nga, di na ta konsistent.
Salita’t panalitang nakararami,
di dapat pigilin dapat alamin;
mapaglimi, usisain.
Sila ma’y may sasabihin,
sinabi na nga—maging
ang pinakamunti, pinakamangmang.

Pigilin ang teorya’t pinatay mo sila.

*

HANI— Natuwa akong basahin ito dahil may sort of urgency na magpahayag ng abstrakto ("serebral" daw) sa pamamagitan ng raw, authentic at second nature na paraan. Ang fluid ng paglilipat ng diction mula sa "teorya" to "paglulubid ng buhangin" to "di na ta konsistent" pero patok.

Lalakihan ko na rin agad. Dahil pantao ang pamagat na "KAIBIGAN XIV," sino ang sini-sila dito?

"Sila ma'y may sasabihin"
"pinatay mo sila"

DNS— Palagay ko ang sila rito ay " pinakamunti" at "pinakamangmang," alingawngaw mula sa "Desiderata" na tahasang aaminin ni Atienza sa "KAIBIGAN XV": "May salita ang maliit at mangmang, / di lamang sa DESIDERATA— / sa totoo at lipunan man, / maniwala ka Kaibigan". Sino ang kaibigan? Maaari bang i-profile ang kaibigang ito, kung nasaan sa lipunan, ano ang pinag-aralan, atbp?

HANI— Hindi ko na mahintay na sumagot si Tilde ng "milktea crowd" at mag-aagree ako sa kanya. Argumento ang tula pero impormal. Parang isang FB status o comment nga e. KAIBIGAN = your favorite Facebook friend. Kabataang petiburges, maaaring nasa kolehiyo o natapos na, isang intelektwal na articulate, marahil. Hindi mangmang o maliit, panigurado. Or at least may ganitong self-aware na pagtangi sa sarili.

Tanong: Hindi na naabutan ng may-akda ang FB, tama? O nauna nang naisulat ang tulang/mga tulang ito. Astig kung ganun!

DNS— Pre-FB. Pre-Friendster pa nga. 29.VII.93 ang datestamp ng tula ayon sa pinaghanguan. 

HANI— 90s... Kung ganun, salimbayan nga ng mga biseral (paglulubid ng buhangin) at eksistensyal (pagkapayaso ko) na feels, mga pasalitang irony on so many lvls (di na ta konsistent), at big ideas, at aakalaing walang sinasabi ang mga ika nga ay "pastiche" c/o MTV. Pero ang paalala dito, kaibigan, "sila ma'y may sasabihin / sinabi na nga" Nagresonate yung "social being determines consciousness" ni Marx sa sinasabi ng tula hinggil sa teorya. Parang, hindi kawalan ng teorya ang problema mo sa kanila, kaibigan, kundi ang hindi mo pagkilala na may teorya "maging / ang pinakamunti", "may sasabihin" lagi, dapat lamang "mapaglimi, usisain." Nag-stem ang di pagkilala, sa tingin ko, sa chicken-and-egg na mauuna ang teorya sa praktika. Ang sinabi dito, no, existence mismo, maging "pinakamangmang" singilin mo ng teorya, meron yan.

DNS— Kahit nga sa antas ng salita, magkaibang uri ng pera ang "salita" at ang "teorya". Barya lang ang "salita" pero sino lang ang afford ang mga salitang gaya ng "teorya"? Gayumpaman, hindi porke wala silang salita para rito ay awtomatiko nang wala na sila nito. Na isa na sa pinakamahahalagang liksyon ng tula. Sorpresa rin ang salitang payaso. Ibig bang sabihi'y holy fool o court jester na tipong nag-iisang makapagsasabi (nga lan'y pabalang, patawa, patula) ng mga bagay na hindi maaaring marinig ng mga bosing? Insidental na may pagkapayaso rin talaga si Atienza, palangiti, magaang kausap. Isang clip bilang patunay.

HANI— "magkaibang uri ng pera ang 'salita' at 'teorya.'" Which brings into question: sino/ano ang nagdidikta ng value sa wika. Hindi ba madudulas ang persona dito, kung sa pag-assert na maglimi, usisain ang teorya ay naiaangat ang value ng ganitong diskurso (na mas type ng kausap na kaibigan, I assume) over the barya-baryang panalita ng nakararami (na wala mang diskurso, nagsasabuhay ng teorya)?

"Pigilin ang teorya't pinatay mo sila." ang sagot ng tula. The irony: buhay mismo ng munti at mangmang ang teorya. Sa kanilang salat sa salita, ang tanging yaman na lang ay ang sinasabi.
____________

Kung hindi ang bosing, ang audience ng payaso ay ang Kaibigan pa rin. Kailangan ang pabalang, patawa at patula maski may preference ang Kaibigan sa mas serebral, pero ba't hindi rin pawang antas ng baryang salita ang ginamit sa tula? Mukhang ibang pera rin. Ano'ng value ng pagpapakapayaso nito at ano ang tangkang tulain?
____________

Nasilip ko ang clip! At nakita rin nga ang sinasabi sa tula. Sa pormang kwentuhan w/ your favorite tito over bottles of Pilsen, idikit ba ang salitang "militante" at "imperyalismo" sa "kaming magbabarkada noong high school." ICWYDT, Prof. Nick!

DNS— "Which brings into question: sino/ano ang nagdidikta ng value sa wika."

Palagay ko natumbok mo ang problema ng persona, at maaaring ang motibo mismo ng tula. Ano mang uri ng language engineering ay social engineering din, may pinapaborang iskema. Yang sa CHED, anong iskema ang pinapaboran niyan? Itong sa UPLB na token/barya lang pagpapahalaga sa Filipino: sino ang pinapaboran niyan?

Isa pang pagbasa sa huling linya: Lahat ng panimbang sa mga pananalita, pag-uusisa, at paglilimi ay nangyayari sa aktibidad ng teorya. Dito napauusbong ang mga nakatagong patibong ng wika. Bago ka pa pumasok sa pag-usisa sa pork, sa paglatag ng bargaining agreement, sa pagbuo ng posisyon sa paligid ng kay Laude, ay maaaring talo ka na dahil ang larangan mismo (at ang premyo), wika, ay pabor na sa kalaban, patriyarkal na halimbawa, o pabor sa market.

Halimbawa, ituturo sa iyo na asset mo ang mukha mo, ang balakang mo, ganyan. Ibinubugaw ka na pala ng wika.
____________

Mukhang si Kaibigan kasi, mas masaya sa antas ng teorya, at siguro hindi nakikita ang papel at/o dirkesyon ng teorya: ang pagpapalaya. Makikita si "Kaibigan" palagay ko, tuwing may mga komento kung saan sinisisi ang "munti" at "mangmang" sa pagboto sa ganito o sa ganyang tao. Parang wow, sige, talagang ginusto nilang iboto yan para nakawan sila ano?

Kailangan pa ring busisiin ang mga terminong "munti" at "mangmang". Kapag sa showbiz naririnig natin lagi: "para ito sa maliliit". Parehas lang ba kapag galing sa ganitong mga "pilantropo" at kapag galing sa ganitong makata/propesor?

Siguro'y dinagdagan ko lang (nang hindi pa nasasagot) ang mahalaga mong tanong: "Ano'ng value ng pagpapakapayaso nito at ano ang tangkang tulain?"
____________

Ganyan talaga siya sa tunay na buhay, Hani. Swabe lang e.

HANI— Sa teorya "napauusbong ang mga nakatagong patibong ng wika."

Si Kaibigan "siguro hindi nakikita ang papel at/o direksyon ng teorya: ang pagpapalaya."

Di kaya napiling solusyon ang pagpapakapayaso at pagtula sa paglalantad ng patibong at gayundin, sa paglalatag ng direksyon ng teorya habang heto't nagsisilbi sa court ng bosing? Hindi dahil safe na maskara ang pagpapatawa kundi dahil ang paraang ito, kung successful, ay pagsuway at pagbasag sa anumang value na nilalagay sa salita at sa kung paano dapat gamitin, sino lamang ang dapat gumagamit, etc. Mockery ito di nga lang ng sinasabi, kundi ng value na inaatas sa salita at paggamit, sa pambubugaw, y'know: eto ba teorya, serebral, up yer arse poetica? Let's talk econ, "wala nang mura kundi putang ina." I mean, I know bad words, pero mas bad pa ba sa deception ng oil cartel? May shock factor ang mga ganito kay Kaibigan, guguho ang tore at madi-disorient sya, at from the rubbles/rabbles, dadamputin ang mga piraso ng teorya, at bulgar na ilalantad ng mga grotesque na kawirduhan nang may laya sa mga patibong ng value-laden na wika. Uncomfortable at masama man ang loob, mapapausisa at limi si Kaibigan mula sa pagkawasak ng nakagisnang retorika, tact, etiquette, form. Kung hindi pa rin sa kabila ng paglalantad, unfriend. Chos

DNS— How is this friend constructed in relation to the persona? Is the poet extending a sincere hand of friendship? Or friend in the sense of "bos" / "tol" / "manang" that we label passing acquaintances to make small talk or little requests?

Or could they already be friends, colleagues or students who live in theory but don't know any better? And why reiterate friendship? Could the poet be worried that his words would fall flat without displaying claims to solidarity?

TILDE— hmmm... tatangkain ko lang isuma yung mga nakuha ko sa diskusyon, isuma yung mga bahaging nagrasp ko at, at da same time, gagamitin ko rin sa mga idadagdag (sana may maidaragdag pa!) na punto. una, yung binanggit ni Hani (sana hindi ko malift outta context), implying na existence > theory and practice. hindi chicken and egg ang theory and practice dahil the stuff both are made of ay existence. ikunek ko abruptly ke Dennis, wika = existence, theory and practice na ang the rest ng mga panlipunang isyu.

ngayon itong mga bits of info na ito, kung ikukunek ko sa KAIBIGAN, hm..., requisite ang pananalita/wika/existence para magkaroon ng teorya at mas nagiging tunay ang teorya kung nakabatay ito sa existence, ie hand-to-mouth existence, ng nakararami—na ironically sila ring pinakamunti (hindi kaunti) at pinakamangmang. ang naalala ko rito, yung tendency ng pagiging anti-theory/anti-intellectual na para bang walang maidudulot na anuman ang intelektwalisasyon.

at ang magkaibigan (eto na Hani!) e tila naguusap lang sa milkteahan, pero ang isa sa kanila e involved sa nakararami/pinakamunti/mangmang, kahit na hindi yun ang kinagisnang buhay, samantalang ang isa (ang Kaibigan ng persona), ay tila nagrarant lang sa facebook ng anti-anything. ngayon, hindi ko na maarticulate kaya irerekomenda ko na lang na panoorin ninyo ang "The Waldo Moment" Episode ng seryeng "Black Mirror," si waldo ay isang cartoon na anti-everything, na kung tutuusin anti rin sa sarili niya, kung galit sya sa lahat. ganoon si Kaibigan, batay sa aba kong pagbasa: ayaw ng teo-teorya shit—high theory man ito o tabloid.

ayun muna, mga Kaibigan haha. sana may naimabag. (also, minsan sa social media ginagamit din ang "kaibigang [name ng commentor here]" kapag kausap ng isang tao ang hindi niya kilala PERO tinutunggali niya sa thread, pero syempre social media ito, so, hindi naman maipipinal na unibersal ang anumang gamit ng term of endearment tulad ng "kaibigan")

DNS— Iniisip ko nga rin ang ganyang moda, "hinahon, kaibigan," kahit hindi naman talaga kakosa, pero yung nga, wala kasing magaganap na diskurso (o tula) kung up masyado si hostility at down sobra si common ground. Mahinahong bagong taon, mga kaibigang Hani at Tilde, hwehehe.

HANI— Nahirapan ako mag-assume from the language of the poem kasi parang unconscious decision naman yung tono ni persona, parang second nature. He could be talking to anyone and I couldn't imagine him interacting sa ibang paraan. Ganun din sa flow ng kwentuhan, whether sya nagsimula o hindi, pwede nyang dalhin ang tema at tono towards this end. But clearly, it's a craft, yung pagkapayaso. May method at proseso that won't work unless you completely forget about it and let it into your system. Swabe lang dapat, hindi hostile at hindi rin patronizing.

Huli na ito para sa 2014! Happy New Year, Sir Dennis and Tilde! More teorya and praktika till kingdom come!

DNS— Siguro magandang ikasa natin yung dalawa pang tula sa link para makita kung "ta konsistent" o consistently inconsistent ang "kaibigan" at persona. Pero sa ngayon, oo, magandang ikwalipika pa ang pagkapayasong ito, kung nasaaan ang halakhak (kung matutukoy), ano ang direksyon.

HANI— Onward sa dalawa pang tula!

May huling hirit lang ako sa anti-intellectualism na binanggit ni Tilde: ito ba ay isang ideolohiya o phase lamang sa pagkatuto ni Kaibigan? Marahil masasagot nito ang pagturing sa kanya ni persona: sya ba ay hinahamig o antagonistikong (pero subtle at clever) nilalantad ng payaso?

DNS— Maaari ngang phase, at baka kaya "kaibigan" ay dahil kaunting kabig na lang ay magkasama/magkaantas na sila. Kung gayon, maaaring dumaan din si persona/payaso sa phase ni friend. Maaari rin namang general statement din itong " Pigilin ang teorya’t pinatay mo sila." Paraan lamang ng paglatag ng kongklusyon at walang ispesipikong "you" sa isip, malasalawikaing pagsabi kung saan maging ang kaibigan o ang mambabasa ay hindi talaga pinagsasabihan.

TILDE— teka hindi ko sure kung ako lang to or wat: yung "Pagkapayaso ko (...)" may dalawang dating: 1) yung present phase na sinasabi ni Hani, current phase, clown-ness, being payaso; at/o 2) yung phase na tapos na, where "pagkapayaso" e contraction ng pagkatapos+word, parang "pagkagraduate." posible yung latter dahil naglalaro na rin naman sa salita yung persona. ngayon kung uubra ang parehong pagkapayaso, parang mas nagiging hamig mode yung persona ke kaibigan? ata.

DNS— Kung #2 ang uubra, e di maaaring nasa payaso-phase na si friend (ang dating phase ni persona) kung saan dismiss-this dismiss-that. Or, police-this police-that. Kung matutukoy rin bilang grammar nazi si (supposed) anti-theorist.

Pwede na bang humingi ng tig-isang huling komento mula sa mga mambabasa, Hani, Tilde? Talakayin ang mga hindi pa natalakay, isulong ang hindi pa naisusulong. Maigsi o mahaba, pwede ring cryptic, pa-obscure, ganyan.

TILDE— yes, nasa payaso phase, i guess? ang naalala ko rito e nihilismo ni The Comedian, e. na, ewan ko, bordering na sa Kanan. "since joke naman ang lahat, pak ol dis shet," sabi ni Kaibigan. sabi ni Persona, "kung pak ol dis shet, dinamay mo yung mayoryang nagtatangkang maging better place ang mundo para sa uri nila." sa ganitong pag-rephrase, tila pinarerekonsider ni Persona kay Kaibigan ang pakyu-all attitude. samting na relevant sa panahon natin ngayon. salamat sa huntahang ito. magandang simula ng taon.

HANI— Sa tingin ko rin mapanghamig ang istilo at tangka, at ang magaling, at the same time ay clever at careful din ang persona sa mga bitaw dito kay kaibigan. Imbis na direktang lumilinya, parang tesla coil ang control, naglalaro. May danger din dito na maka-antagonize ng kausap pero makabuluhan dahil kung di man makumbinsi, ito na rin siguro ang pag-uunfriend, paglalantad ng kabalintunaan ng nihilismo at anti-intellectualism. Sa huli, kumakapit ka rin sa isang teorya na pinaglalaban mo mata sa mata, wika sa wika. May sinasasabi ka at sinabi mo na nga, so your argument is invalid. Hehe

DNS— Sa aking palagay, mahalagang dibdibin ang lihim ng 'payaso': kung paano naging usapin ng buhay at kamatayan ang teorya—at wika na rin—at maging pagtula.

*

dibuho ni tilde, carcosite.blogspot.com

Independence Day

Dear Dr Recto: You may be pleased to know that I’m putting your bureaucracy lessons to good use. At least, I’m trying to. God knows though, “trying” sometimes just doesn’t cut it. God knows – one or another anyway – how difficult these words come. I just sort of “bit” into the first paragraph. Three sentences spit out, just like that. Then this friction. Each word gets erased even before I put it to pad. But since I’m supposed to be a man of letters, I guess I must push forward. Graduate to phrases, to sentences, to paragraphs. But always, ever and always arrive at the period. I got a promotion recently. “Of sorts,” really, as those in the know understand that these things only hold currency on paper. Not much weight to that. And not that I welcome any weight, real or virtual. You know, I didn’t notice I had a scowl on when they gave me the official documents. The Dean called my own face to my attention, “why are you frowning?” You would’ve known the answer better than anybody else. I see you, you know, as I write this. I never really paid my respects. And so, I see you only now. And we are talking as we used to, about leaders and professors, about the difficulties of hoisting up the PhD program across three colleges, about the state of the nation. About what I can do with what I have. All your whys and wherefores. I now see your smile and hear your voice. “Ma’am Mitang,” everybody called you that. Never got the hang of it. You were always Dr Recto. And now my mind astonishes me with a cruel command that breaks into this futile letter: “Doctor, heal yourself!” You’d forgive me my black humor, I know; in many ways, you never seemed to me a UP professor. I mean that as a compliment. I hear you laughing now, in the Center – my Batcave, marked with guano for life. I try to remember the smell: I can’t. I finished the degree a year ago. The secretaries told me that you asked about my status when I was on the last leg. Bless you for the thought. Bless you for making my transition to my adviser easy. Dr Santamaria was great help. Also, Dr Sobritchea and Ma’am Michiyo. I wish you were there when I finished. I didn’t care to march. I probably would have if you asked me. And I know that, were you active, you would’ve made sure I was attended. No way to say no. Anyway, yes, I’m about to begin another semester. Which means another foot into the end of the career; I have a couple of years to move up or out. The others think it’s a needless policy, cruel even. I don’t know. I want it to be my decision when the time comes, but I don’t think it’s too grave an emasculation if I just get myself kicked out. I mean, it’s a sem. It’s some months. I take what I can, push when possible, pull when necessary, one foot always in the end of all things – where both of your feet are now planted. Dear professor, your book is still with me, the Tao Te Ching. How to return it? I think you’d be pleased to know that I’ve built so much upon that seed you lent me – that which now cannot but be an incontrovertible give. Neither you nor Lao Tzu would think much of my “progress.” Well, I want you to know (but what could you know? Maybe, instead, just the plain desire to express this, to you or to the air that is not you nor God nor anything) how I never want to forget your kind face, but I probably will. I don’t want to forget your lessons but what of that desire? Time will eventually thwart it. Dadufalza, before you. In time, Atienza. In time, F– . In time, my parents. Obliquely, I discover the wisdom of keeping friends to a bare minimum. It’s not your thought. Surely not the idea of that silly intelligence who proclaimed that a day when one failed to make a new friend is a day lost. Rather, the day you make a friend is the day you fashion loss, the day you condemn your soul. And another’s. Dr Recto: whether we were friends or not, I declare that I shall not befriend your memory. All your lessons will automatically become mine, no more, no less. I shall forever refuse to accept your memory. And in this manner, I keep you. By always ending you, I forever resurrect you. This may puzzle you. I try – now – then now – then now – yet, I can’t bring myself to see you perplexed. I never saw your face when confused. I never will. In conclusion: this impossible feeling that I’ll live to write another day. Damn the everyday conceit of always assuming that you will see a day to its very end. Then the assumption of another stupid year. And another. As if eternity were just as easy as deceiving yourself. Dear teacher, your smile was more necessary on this earth. Dear mindmother. Still, you ran out of moments. Before I did. In pace requiescat.

On Spurious Solidarity

This day is dedicated to Quezon, the recognized "Ama ng Wika" or father of the Filipino language. I remember this because back in my elementary days, we had "Linggo ng Wika," a whole week with essay-writing contests, declamation jousts, and morning assembly speeches by Filipino teachers. Most of all, the fines were suspended and we could speak in Tagalog, my beloved mother tongue, without paying a peso for every word we didn't deliver in English.

Although, I don't want to dedicate this piece to Quezon, I'd love to write more about language. I hope my readers will forgive a few more meta discussions, more writing about writing.

The previous article notwithstanding, I confess I've trimmed down on the use of the theoretical "Man." Sometimes, the tendency of presenting and encountering the construct is the feel of abstractness, of imagining the collective embodied as an individual, homogenous throughout its parts.

Using "she" as the pronoun at least removes the phallus from the embodiment or repopulates the embodiment with the identities of the marginalized genders. One could see that it is also more faithful since the population is quantitatively more female.

But I still find the theoretical man construct a bit intrusive to the process of stimulating critical thought. Upon viewing the embodiment floating above us, sometimes our minds also fly with it and leave on the ground the diversities and contradictions inherent in humanity.

After my thesis, I've found that I lean more on the use of "we," "us," and "ours" and (since the the work was entirely in Filipino) "tayo," "atin," and "natin." At least here, the reader is free to check if the statement really applies to her and her own experience.

The guiding text for the thesis was Norman Fairclough's seminal work entitled "Language and Power." Here, he encourages the researcher and writer to put themselves in their work. I agree that the scientists' traditional omission of the "I" in their technical ouevres is questionable. I don't think they need to gloss over the fact that there was a human being behind their empirical presentations for the sake of appearing more "objective."

Nope. I'd like to see more of those I-me-mines, especially so that the accent on responsibility for findings could be more audible. I believe this is especially necessary in the social sciences where the readers must be made aware of where the author is coming from.

After warning the reader that he will write in the first person, Fariclough proceeds to discuss his use of "we." Here's a clipping from his note on style:

"...I have operated with an image of the reader as not just someone to whom I am telling things (though sometimes I am!), but also as a partner in a collaborative venture. This is why I have sometimes used the pronoun 'we' inclusively, to refer to the reader and myself. But... this use of 'we' can be manipulative; it can claim spurious solidarity, for instance when a politician uses it to convince people that she is 'one of them'. I hope that readers will not feel similarly dragooned into partnership: obviously, some readers will not see themselves as partners... but... I have found it easier to write as if they did."

I guess that's a mouthful. In typing that, an eyebrow reflexively cocked with Fairclough's use of 'she' as a pronoun for the theoretical politician. Then, remembering recent speeches especially of the state-of-the-nation variety, a naughty grin followed.

Not Elsewhere

Tinig's volumes 17 and 18 are out. I've got SONA articles left and right, but I'm thinking of submitting literary pieces for a change. Jol, I never thought I'd say this but I miss the Adarna workshops.

I miss too, the man behind the finer points of my thesis, Prof. Monico Atienza. I make sure not too mention him too much because I dread to disgrace his legacy. But that stricture can't be allowed here because he lent me his Fairclough and Mao. Also, I want to direct friends to his poem in the same way that Alex tipped me in the forums.

Thank you Sir Monico, for believing in my work and still signing the recommendation to the Asian Center despite every inconvenience. It is my honor that you peruse of my thesis to instruct your classes, while all errata there reflected my stubborn affront to your diligence in evaluating it. Someday, maybe, I will catch up with it and teach in my own fashion.

Still Not Elsewhere

Well, workers, students, and inhabitants of Quezon City, have a nice day! I'm going there this afternoon to claim some loose pages I had bound at the university shopping center. And of course, I'll meet my angas team mates there to gather around the birthday kantogirl!